Grocery Store Anxiety
February 27, 2023
Today was completely normal and abnormal.
The post-Mardi Gras Lenten season is a New Orleanians’ New Year so when the girls returned to school from a week-long break, I started my resolutions.
I worked out and then reached for my vegan cookbook. We are not vegan at all but I sifted through the pages of the cookbook and landed on recipes that sounded like my guilty pleasures. (Update: Broccoli Cheddar Soup without cheddar and Buffalo Cauliflower without buffalo sauce are in fact void of pleasure and now I feel guilty for serving this to my family.)
I made my mile, excuse me kilometer, long grocery list and headed to the store. Completely normal.
When we moved to Germany, I knew I would have anxiety. I didn’t speak any German at the time. We have three school aged children. I didn’t have any friends. I never ever ever anticipated that my largest source of anxiety would come from the grocery store.
My Instagram algorithm figured out that I am an ex-pat living in Germany. My feed is flooded with German grocery store reels and while they are comedy accounts, the grocery store is no joke. I’ll keep with this “No” Theme to describe my shopping experience in Munich.
1. No Car
I don’t have a car. I ride my cargo bike everywhere. I had never heard of a cargo bike before moving to Germany so let me explain. It’s the minivan of bicycles. You can assess personalities based on brand or style of cargo bike. Ours has three wheels, so I guess technically it’s a tricycle, and is battery operated. We opted for stability over the two-wheeled sportier model. You’ll find the three-wheelers parked near the beer gardens with playgrounds. Stability.
Bike culture in Germany is a separate post all together. Just know that my grocery carrying load is confined to a large bucket on a bike. I am no longer doing massive Costco hauls that require an SUV and am now determining if I can buy toilet paper and paper towels on the same day. Shopping requires some strategic planning.
2. No Cart
German grocery carts are all locked together. The key is a coin. I never carried cash or coins in the US so this has been an adjustment. It also can’t be just any coin. Anything too small won’t unlock and anything too large won’t fit. I held my breath this morning as I unzipped my wallet and like Goldilocks found one that was just right. There have been several occasions where I have forced my children to lug baskets around the store complaining that their arms were tired. I have carried two baskets around at once. That’s when the anxiety kicks in, I start to sweat, and it doesn’t stop there.
3. No Space
We live in the city, so space is limited, and grocery store aisles can be SLIM. It’s hard to navigate the aisles with two baskets over each arm when you don’t have a coin to get a cart. I also have to stop and google translate multiple items. In those moments, it feels like every German in the store needs something from that exact section. At least one ends mumbling something about my basket on the floor. I’m sure they are saying something pleasant. I get these types of pleasantries a lot in all types of situations.
4. No Products
I can never complete my list at a single store. I am sure this is related to slim aisles and lack of space but I spent 20 minutes today searching for, google translating and ultimately asking where the Baking Soda was to find out they don’t have it. This could be why my family isn’t thrilled with my cooking but if I can’t find it, I just omit it. I just spent half a day searching for an item so I’m not about to go to another store and do it again. I think America does a few things wrong, but a one stop shop is always right.
5. No Bag
There is no paper or plastic question at the end of the line. It’s BYOB. I can get on board with a reusable bag. I’m not taking spontaneous trips to the store in my invisible car so it’s not an issue. If you need to purchase a bag don’t wait until the cashier has already completed the sale. You’ll hear more of those pleasantries, or they might tell you to get to the back of the line. Today, I had three bags and was more than prepared.
6. No Time
This. This right here is what all the Instagram reels are about. I gave myself a pep talk before proceeding to check out. As a doctor would prep for surgery, I get all my instruments in line. I take my credit card out of my wallet and put it in my pocket, I pull my bag out and fluff it, I free up both of my hands and finally head to the line.
It’s a race to the finish. The cashier grabs my items in their left hand, scans the item as they transfer it to their right hand, and then shoot it down the end of the belt for me to bag it. There is no cashier and bagger duo. It’s one-on-one. Me vs. the Cashier.
If the cashier wins, because ultimately, it’s a competition, they will proceed to hurl the next customers items down the belt on top of my items declaring me the loser. The loser sweating under the florescent lights with half the items on her list.
This Instagram account does a much better job describing this experience if you need a laugh!
I miss the slow and steady pace of a New Orleans grocery store. The small talk with the cashiers and someone placing my items in a bag. I miss the free grocery carts and bags. It seems so enchanting now.
But today, I felt like a winner. I might be missing a few items from my list but I’m sure I can bake without Baking Soda, right? I returned my cart and retrieved my coin, loaded my groceries into my cargo bike and biked home in the snow.
What once seemed abnormal is my new normal. I heard New Orleans is getting an ALDI so maybe it will be your new normal too.
